Tag: Love (Page 2 of 7)

American Christianity and Syrian Refugees

The attacks in Paris last week have brought the topic of Syrian refugees back to the forefront. My FB and Twitter feeds are clogged with views and opinions from both sides about how we should handle these people with no home to go back to. I’m not surprised at some of the responses. I knew many people would brand the majority of the refugees as “threats to our national security.”

What I am surprised at is the disparity I see between the way that many Christians have responded as opposed how the more “liberally” minded American has. I’m not talking about what the Republican candidates are pitching as their potential policy; they’re just going to say the opposite of whatever the Democrat candidates say. And, I really can’t take a lot of what Trump says seriously any way; maybe it’s the hair.

What I’m talking about is that fact that most of the people I know (and those I see throughout various media outlets), that would be branded “liberal,” are in favor of helping and welcoming them, while I see so many Christians talking more about our need to protect ourselves from those refugees that may potentially be ISIS members.

And there in lies the problem. So many Americans have confused being American with following Christ. American Christianity holds up the 2nd Amendment and the American flag; Christianity holds up Christ. American Christianity is content with going to church on Sunday; Christianity is compelled to go to the needy. American Christianity trusts in the government to protect us; Christianity depends on God for strength in weakness. American Christianity demands the government legislate civil morality; Christianity trusts in the love of Christ to transform hearts.

We sit in our secure neighborhoods, in our safe homes and watch in horrified outrage while ISIS beheads Christians on a beach. We take to social media and call for their destruction and talk about the need to pray for our persecuted brothers and sisters. Then, we get outraged and scream persecution because of a red cup or because someone says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” We’re more concerned with “keeping Christ in Christmas” than we are in revealing Christ in us.

We’ve let fear grip us and because of that we speak of refusing to allow those in deep need, refuge. We support Trump when he says, “they’re going back.” We threaten them with our ability to enact our 2nd amendment rights. And we make them all enemies of the state. Maybe it’s just me, but it all just feels wrong. The Christianity of the Bible looks a lot different than the Christianity I see on social media.

To be honest I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where Jesus talks about the importance of our safety. What I do see is Jesus, who knew the hearts of those who would plot against Him (better than they did), going to the cross for them. I see Him allowing every single one of His Apostles (sans John) to be murdered for the sake of the Gospel. I see Paul acknowledging that everywhere he was called to minister the Holy Spirit warned him that in every city imprisonment and afflictions awaited him; he still went. I see Stephen, being stoned to death, keeping his eyes on Jesus while asking God not to hold his murders’ sin against them. I see Jesus telling us that the world will hate us on account of Him and that they hated Him first. And I see Him promising that in this world we will have trials and tribulation, but promised that He has overcome the world. I don’t see “have concern for your safety.”

There doesn’t seem to be a caveat to the command to love your neighbor as yourself. Or to Jesus telling us to that what ever we did for the least we did for Him. I don’t see an exception to Jesus compassion or a penchant for just serving the “good” Jews. In fact, the one person that Jesus notes as having faith unlike any He’s ever seen and heals a servant for is a Roman officer; the Jews’ enemy, His enemy. The Christianity of the Bible looks a lot different than the Christianity I see on Facebook.

The truth is, there is no American Christianity. It doesn’t exist. We don’t get to add anything to what Jesus said His followers would look like. Maybe we call it Americanity, but it isn’t Christianity. Christianity “loves their enemy and prays for those that persecute them.” Christianity “does justice, loves kindness, and walks humbly with God.

I’m not suggesting that God doesn’t care for our wellbeing, I know God cares for us, but people are trying to divorce that from God’s deeper love for the world and all humanity. God cares for our safety, but not more than He desires all to be saved. His concern for us is a result of His love for us. God loves the Syrian refugees and our only response, as Christians, should be to extend love, justice, and compassion to them. 

You can click HERE is you’re interested in groups that are helping.

Jordan Refugee is another amazing organization doing some great work to aid and support Syrians in Jordan.

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Two Truths About Not Being “In Love”

Love

I would venture to guess that one of the most commonly used reasons for ending marriages in our culture is “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you anymore.” It’s the ready-made answer for ending the marriage that no longer meets our needs and desires. I confess that I am 100% guilty of saying this in the past.

On the surface it seems like a logical reason. Why would you continue to pursue a relationship when you’re no longer in love with your spouse? I’ve had a number of friends tell me that they are no longer “in love” with their wives. I was able to talk with most of them and I’m glad to say a few of them dug in, did the work and are still together.

Before I move on, let me clarify two things. First, there is nothing wrong with being “in love.” It’s a wonderful affair. It’s an amazing convergence of feeling like you might die and like you could live forever. I loved falling in love with my wife. Where the “in love” feeling becomes a negative thing is when we use it as an excuse to dismantle a union which we have promised to honor. Second, I’m in no way saying that if you are in an abusive or dangerous relationship, or one where your spouse is actively sinning against you, that you have to stay. If that’s the case, God loves you too much to watch you be continually hurt. You need to make decisions that are focused on your (and any children involved) safety and well-being. If that’s your current situation, find a Christian community that will help and support you, speak with a counselor, or law enforcement.

It is out of these conversations with my friends, and my own experience and study, I have discovered two profound truths about the statement: “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you anymore.”   Without mincing words:

Truth #1

The person may not feel the same “in love” feeling anymore, but they also do not love their spouse.

Being “in love” is a feeling, although it’s probably more of a collection of feelings, but nonetheless still a feeling. The feeling of “in love” is meant to draw and connect us to another person with the purpose of making a commitment to love only them. Because “in love” is a feeling, it can shift and is no more sustainable than the feeling of excitement. “In love” is akin to striking a match; it flickers with the breeze and is easily blown out. Its sole purpose is to light the flame of mature love that isn’t as easily influenced by the whims of other elements. Mature love has weathered trials and is hardened like steel by the flames of difficulty and success. Mature love exists regardless of, and in the face of, waxing and waning feelings. Mature love is a love that decides to stay because it’s rooted in something deeper than feelings. Being “in love” with someone and loving someone are completely different.

Because being “in love” is a feeling, when you say that you love your spouse, but you’re not “in love” anymore, you’re telling a half truth. The true part is that you no longer feel “in love” because that feeling is simply unsustainable. What isn’t true is that you love your spouse. If you loved them, how you feel would be less important than doing the work to mature the relationship. I don’t mean to make it sound easy; it surely isn’t. Marriage is probably (for most people anyway) the one thing you will have to work at harder than anything else. Ever.

If you love someone, then you keep the promise and put in the work. If your marriage is based on feeling “in love,” then you misunderstand what love is and how it works.

Truth #2

This statement is solely based on, and grounded in, selfishness.

When you make love all about your feelings and you’re willing to end your marriage when it doesn’t feel the way you want, then you’ve eliminated the other person from the equation. That’s selfishness. You’re selfish. Genuine love is always about the other person. John 3:16 shows us that God’s love for us moved Him to give to us. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son…” so the WE could be saved. He, God, GAVE for US. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)  Love gives – it does not give up.

I’m not saying that you can’t want to feel “in love.” We are made to give and receive love. We are creatures of love. I hope and pray that we all get to feel loved, but feelings aren’t useful for determining how we love others. Genuine love is always about the other person, regardless of feeling. That’s mature love.

I’ll close with this quote from C.S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity

“Ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

What does love mean to you?

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The One Question Jesus May Ask.

used from steveabickford.com

~ image used from steveabickford.com

I recently watched the movie Ragamuffin, about the life of Christian singer/songwriter Rich Mullins. If you don’t know who Rich is, think Awesome God. In general the movie was pretty decent, as Christian media goes. For a lower budget movie they did well. Regardless of some cheesy acting moments, the message is what resonated most with me.

Rich’s early life was marked by a hurt that is most easily identified as “the father wound.” In his book, Strength in WeaknessAndrew Comiskey writes,

“Though the Father intended for us to be roused and sharpened by our fathers, we find more often than not that our fathers were silent and distant, more shadow than substance in our lives. This kind of a “shadow” presence is not what our heavenly Father intended for our relationships with our earthly fathers.

Unfortunately, few fathers follow the injunction of Proverbs 27:17: ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’”

This silence and distance causes a deep hurt that most men are not able to identify, and many times men are left unable to explain. Unfortunately, this often creates a roadblock on our way to God, and leaves us feeling dark, empty and longing. “The father wound” is responsible for many men never experiencing freedom.

Eventually Rich heard a priest, Brennan Manning, preach a sermon that changed everything for him. In his sermon, Manning said, “I am convinced that on Judgment day, Jesus is going to ask us one question: ‘Did you believe that I loved you?’” This one question profoundly impacted Rich and he began to consider how he would answer. Sadly, Rich continued to struggle with the demons and hurts of his past, played out mostly by separating himself from others and heavy drinking. Rich and Brennan became friends and eventually Brennan invited him to retreat, both physically and spiritually, into God.

brennan-mannings-quotes-7It was during his retreat that Rich was finally able to receive God’s counsel and healing for childhood wounds. The community and friendship that Brennan offered Rich was a vital part of Rich’s healing. At the end of his time spent in retreat, Rich was able to answer Jesus’ question with a “yes.” It is our hope as Christians that we can say “yes Lord, I believed You loved me and I tried to shape my life as a response to it.” For so many of us, we don’t know how we would answer that question; or worse, our answer would be “no, I never really believed.”

Healing and wholeness begin with believing unequivocally that Jesus really does love us. Believing in His love for you, in a world filled with much hurt and rejection, may seem like a fool’s errand. But this is the beauty of the love of Christ! In a culture that tells us to try harder and be better, Jesus says, “Just believe that I love you.” To help us in our belief, God has given us two things: His Holy Spirit and His Church.

Jesus promised that God would send His Holy Spirit to comfort and counsel. As we press into God, through intentional personal prayer and reading His Word, the Holy Spirit provides for our deepest needs. As God’s words wash over us, they provide for healing – filling the areas that feel empty.

brennan manning 1The Church is also a necessary part of healing. In James 5 we’re told, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.” The idea of “suffering” here is better translated as affliction. Likewise, the idea of illness is both physical and emotional and speaks to a deeper hurt than some simple seasonal flu. James is acknowledging and calling attention to the existence and reality of Christians, who, even in their confession of Jesus as their Lord, still suffer from deep hurts and feelings of inadequacy. It is in community we are able to acknowledge these feelings and seek prayer with others whose faith is able to cover any lack in us. Community is also one of the best places to experience God’s love. And not just love as we understand it, but God’s genuine, deep and radical love. His love changes everything and reveals the real you; the beloved of God.

If the reality you are living is a dark one, find community. With that said, I realize “just find” community is no small task. So, if you’re in the Northern Virginia/DC area, get a hold of me; I’d love to meet you. We can also connect at The Whole Man FB Page.

Following are a few other communities I recommend. These guys have all worked through a lot of the same things that challenge us today; and Jesus brought them through and now they’re free in Him.

In Birmingham, AL: True Blue Tribe (this is also a great FB community) or Route 1520 (mainly focused on freedom from porn and sex addiction)

In Cheyenne, WY: Element Church (My friend Jeff Maness is the lead pastor and they have some great, home-based, small groups)

In Seoul, Korea: REDCON One Ministries

There is also Celebrate Recovery. No matter where you live, you will find a group on their Locator page.

My hope is if Jesus asks us this question on Judgement day, as many of us as possible will be able to answer, “Yes Lord, I believed You loved me!”

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