The One Question Jesus May Ask.

August 31, 2015 / Bruce Pagano II / 2 Comments

~ image used from steveabickford.com

I recently watched the movie Ragamuffin, about the life of Christian singer/songwriter Rich Mullins. If you don’t know who Rich is, think Awesome God. In general the movie was pretty decent, as Christian media goes. For a lower budget movie they did well. Regardless of some cheesy acting moments, the message is what resonated most with me.

Rich’s early life was marked by a hurt that is most easily identified as “the father wound.” In his book, Strength in Weakness, Andrew Comiskey writes,

“Though the Father intended for us to be roused and sharpened by our fathers, we find more often than not that our fathers were silent and distant, more shadow than substance in our lives. This kind of a “shadow” presence is not what our heavenly Father intended for our relationships with our earthly fathers.

Unfortunately, few fathers follow the injunction of Proverbs 27:17: ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’”

This silence and distance causes a deep hurt that most men are not able to identify, and many times men are left unable to explain. Unfortunately, this often creates a roadblock on our way to God, and leaves us feeling dark, empty and longing. “The father wound” is responsible for many men never experiencing freedom.

In a culture that tells us to try harder and be better, Jesus says 'Just believe that I love you.'

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Eventually Rich heard a priest, Brennan Manning, preach a sermon that changed everything for him. In his sermon, Manning said, “I am convinced that on Judgment day, Jesus is going to ask us one question: ‘Did you believe that I loved you?’” This one question profoundly impacted Rich and he began to consider how he would answer. Sadly, Rich continued to struggle with the demons and hurts of his past, played out mostly by separating himself from others and heavy drinking. Rich and Brennan became friends and eventually Brennan invited him to retreat, both physically and spiritually, into God.

It was during his retreat that Rich was finally able to receive God’s counsel and healing for childhood wounds. The community and friendship that Brennan offered Rich was a vital part of Rich’s healing. At the end of his time spent in retreat, Rich was able to answer Jesus’ question with a “yes.” It is our hope as Christians that we can say “yes Lord, I believed You loved me and I tried to shape my life as a response to it.” For so many of us, we don’t know how we would answer that question; or worse, our answer would be “no, I never really believed.”

Healing and wholeness begin with believing unequivocally that Jesus really does love us. Believing in His love for you, in a world filled with much hurt and rejection, may seem like a fool’s errand. But this is the beauty of the love of Christ! In a culture that tells us to try harder and be better, Jesus says, “Just believe that I love you.” To help us in our belief, God has given us two things: His Holy Spirit and His Church.

Jesus promised that God would send His Holy Spirit to comfort and counsel. As we press into God, through intentional personal prayer and reading His Word, the Holy Spirit provides for our deepest needs. As God’s words wash over us, they provide for healing – filling the areas that feel empty.

The Church is also a necessary part of healing. In James 5 we’re told, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.” The idea of “suffering” here is better translated as affliction. Likewise, the idea of illness is both physical and emotional and speaks to a deeper hurt than some simple seasonal flu. James is acknowledging and calling attention to the existence and reality of Christians, who, even in their confession of Jesus as their Lord, still suffer from deep hurts and feelings of inadequacy. It is in community we are able to acknowledge these feelings and seek prayer with others whose faith is able to cover any lack in us. Community is also one of the best places to experience God’s love. And not just love as we understand it, but God’s genuine, deep and radical love. His love changes everything and reveals the real you; the beloved of God.

If the reality you are living is a dark one, find community. With that said, I realize “just find” community is no small task. So, if you’re in the Northern Virginia/DC area, get a hold of me; I’d love to meet you. We can also connect at The Whole Man FB Page.

Following are a few other communities I recommend. These guys have all worked through a lot of the same things that challenge us today; and Jesus brought them through and now they’re free in Him.

In Birmingham, AL: True Blue Tribe (this is also a great FB community) or Route 1520 (mainly focused on freedom from porn and sex addiction)

In Cheyenne, WY: Element Church (My friend Jeff Maness is the lead pastor and they have some great, home-based, small groups)

In Seoul, Korea: REDCON One Ministries

There is also Celebrate Recovery. No matter where you live, you will find a group on their Locator page.

My hope is if Jesus asks us this question on Judgement day, as many of us as possible will be able to answer, “Yes Lord, I believed You loved me!”

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2 Reasons Why You Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For

August 17, 2015 / Bruce Pagano II / 0 Comments

As “blog launch day” has drawn near, I really struggled with what to write for the inaugural TWM post. There’s so many ways I could have gone, but a lot of what I thought to say about this site is already in the MANifestio (should be done in the next week or so), so it didn’t seem helpful to just rewrite it here. But then I thought about the one thing that connects all of us. It’s something that Hollywood has known for so long and has exploited to make fists full of dollars selling kiddie pool deep rom-coms. It’s the Jerry Maguire, “you complete me” syndrome. It’s our need to find that one thing or one person that will help make us feel whole. That missing element that will signal our completion. We lay the weight of all our hurt and all our expectations onto it, in hopes that it can bear the burden and make things “right.”

Really this is something that all of us deal with, it’s hardly unique to men, but since TWM is directed at men, this blog is going to talk about the things that they seek in an attempt to feel whole. Realistically that list is pages long, and hopefully over the life of this blog we’ll cover many of those things. For this post, we’ll say that it basically boils down to four things: Profession, Possessions, Persons, and Power. Most men attempt to fill that empty space with one of those things. Some pour all of themselves into their career in an attempt to “be known.” For some, it is stuff; the biggest TV, newest phone or nicest car. You can even put things like pornography, gambling or other addictions into this category as ways that men attempt to fill the voided space. Others look to a spouse, partner, group of friends or even his kids as a way to define who he is and feel accomplished. And still others try to use power in an effort to “be somebody.” Somehow, at the end of all that, there’s still a space; still a void that inexplicably can’t be filled.

Before I go any further let me define “wholeness” as I’m using it. In James 1:4, in talking about tests to our faith, the writer says, “And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” The Complete Jewish Bible (CJB) uses the words “complete” and “whole” accordingly. One of the main things I want to do is differentiate the idea of wholeness and perfection. Often biblical translators use both words somewhat interchangeably. Merriam-Webster defines perfect as, “being entirely without fault or defect, flawless” and “lacking in no essential detail: complete.” But as for whole, MW defines it as, “recovered from a wound or injury: restored” and “physically, mentally and emotionally sound.” For the purposes of TWM, perfection occurs when Jesus comes back or we die and enter eternity. Perfection isn’t possible this side of eternity, but the pursuit of perfection is possible and wholeness is part of that. When I say wholeness I’m talking about being restored and healed. I’m talking about Jesus reconciling us to God, healing our hurts and making us a new creation. That does happen this side of eternity.

In our attempt to find wholeness, we’ve convinced ourselves that that “one thing” is out there and we just need to look long enough or search harder. Unfortunately so many men search their entire life and never feel quite whole. Some may get close to feeling fulfilled, but that’s not the typical story. If you google the phrase “something is missing in my life,” you’ll get about 218,000,000 results, and a lot of them are quizzes and tests to help you figure it out. Clearly there’s a lot of opinions on how to find wholeness. Obviously I’m not going to provide some profound insight into wholeness, nor do I have all the answers, but from what I’ve experienced and conversations I’ve had with other guys, I’ve found that there are two reasons that most men have difficulty finding wholeness.

1. You’re looking in the wrong place.

C.S. Lewis said, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” Logically, if there are 218,000,000 resources to help you find that “thing” that will make you whole and there’s still an enormous amount of people still looking, maybe Lewis is onto something. Maybe it isn’t that we’re not looking hard enough, but that we’re looking in the wrong place. Maybe we’re not meant to find wholeness in this world. If wholeness is possible and we’ve been unable to find it in the things of this world, maybe we ought to start looking in other places.

Given time and a commitment and connection to a community of other Christians that love you, wholeness comes.

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An easy argument might be to look to other religions that offer a more holistic response to the “who am I?” question. Unfortunately every other religion, whether outright or subtly, tells us that we need to try harder. They still put the responsibility on us to find that “one thing.” Christianity doesn’t do that. Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He’s offering us the ability to come to Him and rest so that He can exchange incompleteness for wholeness.

To be clear, it isn’t instantaneous and it isn’t some magic formula. It’s a process of rebuilding and healing. Restoration and healing take time. Given time and a commitment and connection to a community of other Christians that love you, wholeness comes.

2. You’re unwilling to be open.

Most of the conversations I’ve had with other guys revealed that their inability to be “satisfied” with their life is really a result of some level of stubbornness or unwillingness to be open about their hurts and struggles. I know, it’s not a popular thing for men to talk about their feelings, and we’ll talk about that more as time goes on, but it doesn’t change the fact that being closed off affects your ability to find wholeness. Often times a major road block to wholeness is a lack of healing for the wounds that we carry. I don’t presume that being open about our hurts is easy. I know it isn’t. However, I do know being open is essential to achieving a sense of wholeness. At the very least it’s necessary to begin the process of actually seeking wholeness.

A community of love is by far one of the best tools that Jesus left us in our journey toward wholeness.

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I think one of the most beneficial things I’ve done, and many of the guys I’ve coached have done, was finding a group of guys who will allow me to be honest. And I’m not talking about an “accountability” partner. Accountability is necessary, but it’s only a part of what I’m talking about. I’m talking about friendship. A community of men, who span a wide breadth of experience and wisdom; men who can be honest with each other and walk though healing together. A community of love is by far one of the best tools that Jesus left us in our journey toward wholeness.

Wholeness is the thing that leads to the abundance of life that Jesus was speaking of in John 10:10. My hope is that TWM will be a place that encourages men to gather and seek healing and wholeness together. In doing this, we’ll get to experience that abundance of life and better fulfill the roles for which we were created.

I’m looking forward to seeing where The Whole Man takes us. I definitely don’t know it all and am still walking this path is a number of areas of my life. Because of that, I think this thing works best if it’s collaborative and generates discussion.

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Thank God for the prostitute and adulterer.

June 3, 2015 / Bruce Pagano II / 0 Comments

I know that historically Christianity has been portrayed as an exclusive religion. That some how if you were Christian you were part of an elite group and better than everyone else. Christianity would run through cycles of using violence in an effort to see people converted. If that didn’t work, we resorted to heavy doses of guilt. I’d almost rather take the stretching rack than have someone tell me all the ways I’m not a worthy or valuable as a person. At least the physical pain of the torture rack eventually ends. None of that is what Jesus intended when He commissioned His disciples to make more disciples. We’ve so convoluted the process of coming to and following Jesus and inviting others to do the same, that it actually rejects people. And not just a few, but a lot of people.

That’s not how it was. In fact, one of Jesus’ more notable descendants was a prostitute. Rahab was a prostitute that lived in the city of Jericho and was the sole player in making sure the Israelite spies made it out alive. They were so grateful that they promised to keep her family safe when they took the city. She was so struck with awe at the power of their God and the willingness of His people to accept her and not take advantage of her, that she joined them and started worshipping God. Eventually she married and began having children, specifically Boaz, who was the great-great grandfather of King David, who Jesus descended from. At that time, women were considered low-class citizens. Their husbands maintained every legal right over them. At times slaves had more privilege than women. So for a woman to be a prostitute was even worse. That means she would be subject to the abuse and use of who ever desired to control her. Likely she was viewed lower than a dog, which dogs we’re pretty low on the totem pole. For Jesus to be descended from a prostitute is huge news. And it’s good news.

It’s good news because even as she sat in a position of shame and sin, she asked for mercy and acceptance and received it. Not only did she receive it from God, but from His people. God’s people extended mercy and grace to a woman, that by all accounts didn’t deserve it, because that’s what God does. It’s the same with us. Think about the sin you were in before you accepted God’s invitation in. Mine was ugly, but it didn’t matter to Him. If that’s too much conjecture for you, then consider the adulterer.

While Jesus was in the middle of his ministry, a group of religious leaders brought a woman that they caught in adultery to Him and threw her at His feet. It happened in the street, in full view of the public. She was likely naked, which surely compounded the guilt and shame. Note that there was no guy drug out and flung at His feet, just the woman. The religious leaders had the law on their side. They intended to stone her to death. Flinging her at His feet, they demand that He cast judgement on her and probably expected that He participate in her execution. But He didn’t. Instead He told them that the ones among them that were without any sin, not less sin than hers, could throw their stone. No one did. Then He leaned down and looked at this broken, embarrassed, guilt laden woman and asked, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said “No one, Lord.” And He said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” He said He didn’t condemn her either. He didn’t condemn her. Some scholars believe that she continued to follow Him and serve in His ministry, even after He ascended to heaven, suggesting that she took serious the mercy shown her and the command to “go and sin no more.” The point here is that God invited in a prostitute and an adulterer. I’m grateful for that because that means I have a chance at mercy and grace. It means you do too. You have a chance at acceptance. You have a chance at grace.

If our Savior invited in prostitutes and adulterers, who are we to reject anyone. Our mantra has to be, “Come to Him, all who labor and are heavy laden, and He will give you rest.” It can’t be anything else. It can’t exclude those that we think are “too sinful,” because He came for everyone. He didn’t come to condemn, He came to save. And when we take on the mantel of condemnation, we throw His mantel of grace and mercy in the rubbish heap. I’m not saying we shouldn’t expect each other to live by the standard He set, we should, the bible is clear on that. If Christianity is a religion of exclusivity on any level, then it was reserved for the lowly and excluded the religious elite. Read your bible. But Jesus was clear that everyone was invited to the party; even the religious elite (consider Nicodemus).

If you’ve been hurt by Christianity, I’m sorry, that’s not what God desires. His call is to the tired. Those that life has beat down, those who have been trying too hard, those who labor in vain only to receive rejection, those who think they’re too lowly, and those who need acceptance; He’s for you. And it isn’t meant to be some intangible or fanciful thing. It’s meant to be experienced through His people. I’m sorry if His people hurt you, that wasn’t Him. If you’re a Christian and presenting a religion of exclusion, stop it, that’s not Him. Our purpose if to be agents in the reconciliation of humanity back to God, for His glory. If we’re so critical of others that it causes them to reject Him, that’s on us and we have to stop. Rejection is crushing. We all experience and deal with it differently. The Church shouldn’t be known for rejection. The church should be known for invitation. God invited the prostitute and adulterer. We should be thankful for that and follow suit.

Tag: Jesus (Page 9 of 22)

The One Question Jesus May Ask.

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