Category: Uncategorized (Page 4 of 4)

It Was Always Her!

Originally this blog was meant to chronicle what God was doing in me as He walked me in a New Direction for my life. Eventually it morphed into what God was teaching me largely related to ministry & leadership. Today I’m moving back toward what God is doing in my life.

Today…I write about HER!!!!

She is an amazing soul. First and foremost, she loves God; she has a deeply intimate relationship with Jesus and her anointing by the Holy Spirit is readily apparent. Her heart for people is incredible; she extends grace the way that God gives it to her. She is creatively brilliant; she writes (if you want a peek into her psyche check out her blog Daily Offensive…she signs her posts with a heart), she makes jewelry, she’s a photographer, and has an amazing eye for art (I’m pretty sure her brain operates in art mode most times). She has the best sense of humor (she gets my sense of humor so that may not be saying much), a laugh that’s SO infectious, the best Eeeeee!!! ever, and she’s an amazing mom. She is also absolutely gorgeous; she has THE most captivating eyes I’ve ever set mine on and that smile…oh that smile, it melts me every time.
 
Most call her Sarah, a few call her Sarahface, one handsome little boy calls her mama, but I…I call her My Love.
 
When I was involuntarily thrust back into singleness (about 2 ½ years ago) I sat down and made a list. This list was the collection of needs and wants I would hope for in the next woman that God brought into my life. Once compiled, I set it aside and surrendered to the workings of God in my life. He quickly made clear that what I needed and wanted in a wife was second to what He needed and wanted in my life and what would be expected of me as a husband and father
 
Over the next two years God transformed everything, from the way I lived my life, what I believed and the way my heart and mind work. (I won’t go too deep into what God has done, but if you’re curious, here are a couple blogs that review the two years – Year OneYear Two.) So that list lay dormant for two years while God worked me over. During that time I met this sparkly eyed woman that had just accepted a position as the Executive Assistant at Element Church. I met My Love in early June 2010. At that time God was in the middle of a particularly rough working over of my heart, so I met Sarah and thought nothing more of her than a new co-worker.
 
As the months progressed, so did our friendship. I started to realize the amount we had in common was not only ridiculous, but almost unreal. Round about September I had finally surrendered to God on some ministry decisions I had been struggling with (i.e. resisting God’s call to). Almost the minute I surrendered that stuff to God I was hit with this overwhelming NEED (not want…that was there too, but this was definitely a need) to be with Sarah. I needed to be in her life, to serve her and love her. At the time I actually prayed against those feelings. I didn’t want to be disappointed and didn’t want to step out before it was full of God. Eventually I surrendered those feelings to God and embraced them quietly because it wasn’t time yet. So, nothing was ever said. We never discussed it, I never shared it. Our friendship sat as it was and would continue to grow.
 
Then in mid-October I had the honor of escorting a friend to his final resting place in Pennsylvania. For months prior to his passing I would sit in his hospital room and watch as his wife just sat there. Helpless, scared and frustrated she just sat there. To me, her willingness to just sit with him, as he lay dying, was the greatest display of love I’d ever seen. Her willingness to just sit with the one she loved, just so that he knew she loved him, pierced my heart. It was then, in a hospital room in Denver, that my need to be with Sarah turned into the realization that I would sit there for her. All of the sudden I knew that I loved her, that I would just sit and BE there for her and that I wouldn’t want anyone but her sitting at my bedside. I knew then that I was going to marry her. But alas, it still wasn’t time. Nothing was said and our friendship would remain just that for another couple months.
 

By the end of December I couldn’t not be with her anymore, so my friend Sarah became My Love. So where are we now? We’re ENGAGED! I know what you’re thinking, “What? You haven’t even dated THAT long!” Ultimately the time doesn’t matter. If I hadn’t sought God on this over and over, this post wouldn’t even have been typed. But I have and it’s right for us. She’s my best friend. We’ve built an amazing relationship as friends first, we’re cut from the same cloth and I love her more than I can ever promise her. And what of my list…in Sarah, God has fulfilled every need and want that I voiced on my list, every one that went unspoken for fear that I was expecting too much and every one that I didn’t think or know to ask for.
Both Sarah and I know that marriage isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. We’ve both been there and fully realize the work it requires. We also know the power of Christ in us and in our relationship. Our success in marriage fully rests in our submission to Him first, then each other and in that…we’re gonna make it Till the End! (Plug for Pastor Adam – BlogAlbum. FTR, he’s been amazing accountability for me through this.)

 
So Blessed,
Bruce

Hello, my name is Gomer and I am a…



Wanderer.  Prostitute. Whore.

I actually wasn’t even reading Hosea, I was reading Joshua.  But in reading Joshua I came across 10:25 in which Joshua relates God’s instructions to Israel and says, “Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged,” Joshua told his men. “Be strong and courageous, for the Lord is going to do this to all of your enemies.”  After finishing my reading I started journaling all the things that I’ve been afraid or discouraged about.  There are a couple things on that list, but one of the main ones was how discouraged I am with the amount of (or lack of) time that I give to God on a daily basis.
Immediately God took my thoughts to Hosea, but more specifically his wife Gomer.  If you’re not familiar with the story, the short of it is this:  God told Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, and bare children with her.  After marrying Hosea and having children with him, Gomer returned to her life of prostitution.  Upon doing so God sent Hosea to bring his wife, out of her filth, back into his home and make her his wife again.  God had Hosea do this to illustrate the sin of idolatry Israel had committed.  Israel had turned their back on God and began worshipping other gods.  God used Hosea and Gomer to show the extent of Israel’s sin and that even in their adultery with other gods, He would be their God and return them to Him.  In 2:20 God says, “I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord.” Then 14:4 says, “The Lord says, ‘Then I will heal you of your faithlessness; my love will know no bounds, for my anger will be gone forever.”
 So here is how God related that to me.  I’ve previously mentioned that the things of life can sometimes highjack our time with God.  Of course I’m not worshiping “other gods”, but recently I’ve put some things before my time with God.  What God asked me is this:  Is my putting time with friends, TV, other hobbies, functions and meetings before time spent with God any different than Israel’s sin of idolatry?  If I’m honest the answer is, “No it’s not.”  In that aspect I share in Israel’s sin of idolatry.  This isn’t to say that I’ve spent no time with God, but it gets easier and easier to make excuses for missing devotional time or to hurry through that time with God as opposed to soaking in His presence.
The bottom line is this, even though we don’t view the things that draw our attention from God as “bad” as Israel’s actual worship of other God’s…it’s not at all different.  Our back is still turned and our affection for God is drawn away from Him.  And God just wants to be faithful to us and make us His, so that we may finally know Him as Lord.

Dreams…And All That Come With Them!

This post will be a slight departure from my usual writing style & topics. All with good reason of course…writing isn’t intended to be stale. Think of this as a literary vacation. The Greece to the written state in which I live, if you will.

I’ve recently had a few conversations with a friend that broached the subject of the future…the plans of God and the dreams of man.  Obviously I have hopes and dreams for the future, but I also have a heart to be submitted to the plans of God for me (even if they’re contradictory to mine…I should actually say, especially if they are).  But with the recent passing of my friend, Ricky (Let me pause here and take a moment to say that TSgt Ricky Smith was a great friend and an even greater Patriot if ever I met one.  I had the distinct honor of escorting him home to Pennsylvania.  My deepest sympathies are with his wife Calyssa, his parents Rick and Caren, and the rest of his family.  My heart cries for you…Ricky, you will be missed.) I’ve been thinking about just how fleeting life is and what that means to the dreams that dwell in the same places of my heart and mind that hope is cultivated in.

I sometimes wonder if we dream too small or if we too easily dismiss our dreams as unattainable, ridiculous, or irrational.  I’m not sure when it became not acceptable for adults to dream the same way we did as children.  I think back (and I look at my 11 & 13 year old sons) and as a kid I had some (and they do too) amazing dreams.  It’s not that I wanted to do or be everything, but that I totes (heh, totes) believed I could.  It’s that right there that made the difference…I (we) believed I (we) could.  Because I believed I could, I was willing to dream big. Whoa! Dream big!

Sadly, at some point that all changes.  We’re told to be reasonable.  We’re told to dream rationally.  The ability to dream big is conditioned out of us and replaced with acceptance for what the world says we’re capable of.  I don’t for one second want to give the impression that we can dream big, then have the ability to achieve it.  Some people are able to achieve great success and make it “big” and NEVER give a second thought to God.  But, they also never reach the fullness that God intended for them.  Our humanity comes with a limit to the “fullness” we can experience, a thresh hold if you will.  Christ meets us at that threshold and allows us to cross it, into complete fullness.  <—-That’s another blog.

When we get to the place where we realize we can still dream big and God can still move us toward those dreams, there are a few things that come connected to those dreams and need to be realized.  Things that if not realized can send us crashing back to rational.

1. Hope
Dreams are built out of hope.  Hope is that thing we can only see with our heart.  It is attached to things unseen and unrealized.  Our logical side would call it silliness for us to hope.  But, here’s the rub…dreams also build hope.  When you dream of the future it gives you a hope of what’s to come.  The bigger the dream the deeper the hope.  A “dream” that is rational and easily attainable requires little or no hope.  Without hope we begin to lose faith in bigger stuff.  Hope is what our faith is built on, but not hope in the dream.  Hope in the God that can fulfill that dream.

2. Expectancy
With any unfulfilled and longed for notion there is an anticipation of it’s coming…an expectancy.  Whether it is known or not as to when the desire will come to fruition, anticipation still hangs low.  Dictionary.com defines expectancy as anticipation and anticipation as hope.  It all returns to the idea that hope is the basis for all of this.  Essentially the idea remains that if we are to dream big, we should hope in God big.  We should be taking our desires and dreams to God in the deepest sense of the word.  When we depend on our own strength and ability to see our dreams through, the results are mediocre compared to when we let God meet our expectations.  Why settle for average when we have amazing available to us?

3. Disappointment
I didn’t want this post to be negative, but this next part is a reality.  Sometimes, sadly, our dreams are not only unrealized, sometimes they’re shattered.  Although it is amazing to dream big, if we live in a state of delusion in which we cling to the idea that just because we dream it, we can have it.  When the dream is shattered and disappointment comes (because it sometimes will) devastation surely follows.  And because your hope is tied up in the dream itself, there is no comfort.  On the other end of that, if you live in a state of surrender (in which you see the One that can fulfill the dreams and not the dream fulfilled) then you place hope in the one that can comfort you when disappointment comes.  I don’t  say this to cause you to dwell on the fact that that your dream may end in disappointment.  I say this to draw you to a realization that although what we dream may not ever be realized, if your hope is correctly place, so to will your openness to be comforted by the One your hope is in.

Dream BIG, hope deeply, expect the amazing and realize that disappointment is not synonymous with devastation.  What was is not the best there is…so dream dreams that make your memories jealous.

Dreaming Big,
Bruce

Newer posts »

© 2024 BrucePagano.com

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑