Category: Leadership (Page 4 of 7)

Have You Been Stained By The World?

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A common roadblock for many of us coming to Jesus is the truth that we are not good enough. And so we have convinced ourselves that once we clean up our mess we will feel “right” in approaching Him. It almost doesn’t matter when someone says something like, “Come as you are.

Recently I read James1:27, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” Immediately my mind went to “What if I am hopelessly stained by the world? What if I serve widows and orphans, help the homeless, feed the hungry and seek justice for the oppressed, but still feel stained?”

Maybe you’ve asked the same question. Maybe you feel like you have been angry one too many times. Maybe you have watched porn so many times that even when you desperately want to erase it from your mind it creeps back in. Maybe you have had an affair, or multiple affairs. As much as you want to put it behind you, heal and prove your dedication to your wife, the remnants of that hurt will not release their grip on your conscience. Perhaps it’s a problem where your pride pushed others down for your benefit. Does your habit of lying make it difficult for you to even know your own truth?

Whatever your stain, it doesn’t wash off. And a verse like James 1:27, taken by itself, makes it seem like an impossible task. It is. For you.

No amount of good work or deeds, on your part, will remove your stains. Nothing you do will wash away the stains that are there. So what are you to do?

The most important thing is to understand that James isn’t talking about our relationship with Jesus, well, not directly anyway.

We want to draw a sharp distinction between religion and relational reconciliation. While both are important, the order in which we approach them is more important. Relational reconciliation always leads to religion, but religion does not always lead to reconciliation.

Here is the line that I’m drawing. Relational reconciliation is salvation. It is being introduced to Jesus and deciding to enter into the relationship that He offers. Relational reconciliation is choosing to believe in Jesus so you can be reconciled to and approach the Father unblemished by the world. Relational reconciliation is spending time with God and allowing the redeeming work of Jesus on the cross to wash you clean. It is about allowing the Holy Spirit to transform your heart and character so that the fruit of the Spirit becomes evident to everyone else. Religion is where we display the evidence of that; it is where we have relationship with Jesus.

A religion is nothing more than an institution for expressing belief in a divine power. While Christianity as a title identifies us as followers of Jesus, as a religion it is the venue where we are “energetic in [our] life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God.” The religion that James is talking about comes after our salvation and reconciliation. The religion he is talking about is the product of the work of Jesus in our heart and the power of the Holy Spirit in our life.

I’ve struggled with this more than once. So many times I have felt like I was not working hard enough or that I had not kept myself unstained by the world. Each time I was reminded that I do not have to work hard enough and it isn’t me that keeps me unstained by the world.

Jesus on the cross allows us to start again. It doesn’t always erase the memories in our head, the stuff that gnaws at our conscience, but it does erase the sin stains on our heart that separate us from God. The conscious gnawing does lessen – through time spent in God’s word and acts of confession to God and others.

Regardless of how you feel or how bad you think you are, the redeeming work of Jesus frees you to approach God. Healing is always the result of Jesus’ compassionate heart. Wholeness is always the result of the Holy Spirit’s immense power.

Religion without relationship is just tedious work, often times good work, where many become disillusioned with Christianity. Religion without relationship keeps you from the abundant life that Jesus offers.

Don’t start with religion, start with relationship. The stains come out, I promise.

How We Got, “Wives, submit to your own husbands…” Wrong.

photo used from: www.dailymail.co.uk

Photo used from: www.dailymail.co.uk

This past week my wife asked me, “Why is it that everyone talks about what Biblical manhood should look like, but hardly comparatively, anyone talks about Biblical womanhood?

Good question. Maybe because we mess it up more.

Seriously though, it is a good question and I agree with her. I believe it is a conversation that needs to be had. However, even though I’m able to reference scripture and discuss this topic with women; I do not believe men are the best or should be the first to initiate this conversation. The discussion will carry more weight with women taking the lead. As much as women need to be talking about this, men need to listen.

What I will do is discuss one aspect of biblical womanhood that men have twisted – submission. Intentionally or not, the misuse of submission has and continues to be used to control and hurt women.

For far too long men have held firmly to the idea that a wife must submit to her husband. So much so that submission has been counted as her duty and consequently has moved her into the role of servant rather than partner. Ephesians 5:22 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord; but that does not make her a slave to her husband. While the bible does direct a wife to submit to her husband, submission does NOT mean subservience. Often men seem to miss or simply disregard, that just one verse prior, Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to one another. This verse tells us that husbands are also called to submit to their wives! Somehow we have assigned the discipline of submission solely to the wife. And, as if that’s not a big enough issue, we’ve assigned submission the same definition as subservience. But there’s a difference between what God desires for submission and how we have defined it.

Dictionary.com defines each as:

Submit – to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (voluntary)
Subservience – slavish: abjectly (with great shame, desperately) submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant (not voluntary)

One of the greatest roadblocks to correctly viewing and living out biblical submission is the existence of slavery and the church’s historical involvement. Rather than get into a discussion about the huge differences between ancient Israelite slavery and all other slavery; I will point out that our current understanding of submission is built within the context of slavery. The slave’s submission to the master had to be absolute and had dire consequences if not. In addition, it was forced submission and not required of both sides. With that backdrop, it’s easy to see how the role of submission within a marriage has become an unhealthy one.

A wife’s submission to her husband does not mean slavish subservience. While service is an aspect of submission, it is not servitude. It does not call for blind and muffled obedience to the whims of a husband. Husbands and wives are intended to complement each other; they are intended to be the other half of their one. Submission does not suggest that your wife is weak, but instead reveals her understanding of her role in Christ. It requires great courage and strength to voluntarily yield to the authority and power of Jesus Christ. The proper response by a husband to his wife’s choice to submit should be honor and love. Her submission is ultimately not your concern, yours is. In fact, it requires very little, if any, of your interference or input. Your responsibility is to focus on your role as her husband, which coincidentally begins with submission.

As head of your home, your first responsibility is submission to God. James 4:7, tells us to “submit [ourselves], then, to God.” If a man is to honor his wife, he must first honor God and that begins with submission. In practical terms, submission is the surrendering of control of your life to the leading of the Holy Spirit. For each of us, surrendering ourselves to the Holy Spirit allows for God to add and remove from our lives as He sees fit. Submission to God will cause an inward change that reveals outward fruit. In other words, what God changes and does in your heart will be visible to those around you.

A man leads his home by first submitting to God and then honoring and loving his wife. The less we concern ourselves with our wives’ submission, the better we are able to submit to Jesus. It is then we are best equipped to submit to and serve her.

The most notable portion of scripture concerning the roles of husband and wife is Ephesians 5:21-33. The passage begins with verse 21 telling us to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Our submission to our spouse is initiated and spurred by our awe and reverence for Jesus. If we’re to honor our marriages and our role as a man of God, we must reframe how we understand submission. Our best example of submission is Jesus coming to earth, doing the will of the Father and giving Himself to the cross. He did so willing, for the benefit of others and to reflect the glory of the Father. Our submission, as men, should be a willingness to set our self aside for the glory of Jesus and the benefit of our wife and family.

Submission is not a duty, it is an act of honoring God.

Little endnote: Your girlfriend is NOT required to submit to you. Just “dating” a woman with no commitment to pursue anything further does not afford you the right or privilege of her submission. Submission comes with commitment.

3 Reasons Why “Just Give it to Jesus” Isn’t Helpful

 

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The year 2009 was one of deep hurt for me. I was involved in a divorce that I didn’t want and left wondering how to move forward as a single dad and an active duty military member. During that time, I had also recommitted to following Jesus and was trying to figure out how to answer God’s call to pastoral ministry. I had a lot going on. It was a season of great hurt, even greater healing and so much learning.

One of the things that God did to help walk me through that difficult time was surround me with a community of people that loved me. They were gracious and welcoming. But, more important than loving me, they loved Jesus. Because of their love for Jesus, their encouragement, wisdom and counsel were essential to my healing process. Along with the wise counsel that came out of those I was in Christian community with, came other “counsel” from goodhearted Christians that didn’t actually know the depth of my circumstances. One of those pieces of counsel that always frustrated me, more than it helped, was “Just give it to Jesus.”

I feel like this is one of the most misused pieces of Christian advice that can be offered by well-meaning Jesus followers. Unfortunately I’ve been on both ends of this misguided attempt to provide “wise council”. Somewhere along the way Christians turned King David’s song lyrics and Peter’s encouraging reminder into a solve all, catch phrase that carries very little actionable application. Here’s three reasons why it isn’t helpful.

1. It isn’t Biblical.

We’ll at least the way that we’ve interpreted it isn’t. The idea is built out of David in Psalm 55:22 and Peter’s reiteration of it in 1 Peter 5:7. Psalm 55:22 tells us to cast our burdens or, when Peter says it, anxieties on God. The problem isn’t with the word “cast,” which literally means “give” or “toss”. The issue is with the words “burden” and “anxiety”. People have taken these to mean any problems or negative circumstances that we experience, but what these words refer to isn’t that simple.

Both words mean something far deeper. The original Hebrew translation of “burden” is actually “gift”. That’s a bit unexpected. In this case “gift” also means affliction, trials, and troubles, but it can mean things that are agreeable and pleasing to us. While that may be confusing, understanding this clearly reveals a far more important purpose behind why David says it. David is saying that no matter our portion from God, we “commit [it] to His custody, and use [it] to His glory.” It’s about our ability to trust God’s faithfulness in keeping His promises to us. Likewise, the word “anxieties” doesn’t mean that you aren’t concerned for our circumstances, but is more about not letting circumstance divide our heart between God and other things. We are to give over difficulties to God so that our heart would not be divided and we are not drawn from Him who sustains us.

If “Give it to Jesus” isn’t exactly biblical, what is? In Galatians 6, Paul tell, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” The appropriate response to a brother or sister’s heavy burden is that you bear it with them. While Paul was in prison and in dire circumstance, he continued to have hope and comfort in Christ, but he still asked for people, like Timothy, to come be with him. He still needed the comfort and encouragement of fellow believers to help bear the burden. While it may be difficult to carry your burdens by yourself, it becomes easier the more people you have to help carry it.

2. It is Dismissive.

It’s like asking someone, in passing, “How are you?” and they proceed to actually tell you how they are doing. Obviously no one told them that the standard response is, “Busy. I’ve been really busy.” Now you’re forced to respond to them. Because it’s often difficult to know what to say and potentially requires a significant time investment on your part, most of us respond with the standard Christian “deflect and evade” counter-measure, “That’s tough, bro. I’ll pray for you.” While you might believe that they actually need someone to pray for them, really what you’re communicating is you don’t know what to say and you want to leave. As well-intended as it may seem, when you tell someone to “Just give it to Jesus” you’re actually telling them that you have nothing to offer them. You’re essentially saying, “That sucks that YOU’RE dealing with that, but I’m not and I don’t plan to.” If you’re a Christian, you don’t get off that easy. If you want to honor Jesus, you have to bear burdens with others.

3: It’s Not Tangible.

Although you’re not there to make the situation go away, real love does eliminate burden if it’s within the person’s ability to do so. Using those five words and leaving the person to sit in their despair isn’t very Jesus-like. The burdened brother/sister needs comfort, wisdom, insight, encouragement, and maybe someone to just be with them. Chances are that God has gifted with something from the list in Romans 12. If we have the ability to lighten or eliminate the burden of another person, we ought to. Real burden bearing is tangible.

Bearing others’ burdens has everything to do with our heart. If you’re seeking Jesus and allowing His Holy Spirit to transform you, your heart will change. We have to be willing to recognize that we get to choose to be like Him and when we do, He starts and completes that work. Sometimes, we just don’t know how to respond to another person’s difficult situation. That’s okay and that’s where Christian community comes in. What’s not okay is to never grow out of that.

Knowing how to respond isn’t always the easy. Here’s how theologian John Gill explained Galatians 6:2 and what bearing each others’ burden should look like,

“…by gently reproving them, by comforting them when over-pressed with guilt, by sympathizing with them in their sorrow, by praying to God to manifest his pardoning grace to them, and by forgiving them themselves, so far as they are faults committed against them…”

We can do things like praying with them in that moment, giving words of encouragement, taking there kids for a couple of hours to let them have a moment to think, buying their groceries, making them a meal, being with them, crying with them, hugging them… I imagine if you thought about it, you come up with better ones.

Christianity doesn’t exist for our own purposes and as means of getting out of doing life with others. It exists as a means of glorifying and loving God, though the loving and embracing of others, especially those who are hurting most.

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