Category: Healing (Page 3 of 4)

Does God Want Us to “Get Over” Our Past?

March 28, 2016 / / 0 Comments
past

used from www.careerealism.com

I recently had a conversation with my friend about how we heal from our past emotional wounds. While we talked he shared some of his that he is still healing from. Toward the end of the conversation my friend shared a quote he had heard at a conference. The speaker said something along the lines of, “I don’t care about your past. God doesn’t care about your past. So we need to stop worrying about our past and just get over it.”

You know those times when someone says something so profound that it drives down deep into your heart? This was not one of those times. Instead I immediately felt that everything about that statement was wrong. Specifically I have two issue with this statement.

Biblical Accuracy

First, I do not think it is biblical. I looked for this idea in the bible and could not find it. My friend did not explicitly say that the speaker referenced a specific verse, but my assumption is that this comment is based on taking scripture like Philippians 3:13-14 out of context. In this verse Paul talks about “forgetting what lies behind.” This passage speaks to God’s promise and our need to forget our past transgressions, or sins, for the purpose of moving toward God unrestricted by them. This passage also reminds us to not lean on His past mercies, but instead depend on His new grace for today. His mercies are new every morning.

Our Influence

Whether your audience is one guy sitting across from you at Starbucks or a stadium of 10,000 people, you have to be aware of what you are telling them. When you step into the role of counselor, or in this case leader, what you say matters. Chances are the person is coming to you because they trust what you might tell them. If what you tell them does not line up with scripture, then stop and consider the implications of your advice before you say it. In almost every situation, “Just get over it” is likely poor advice and will only serve to make the situation more difficult.

When you step into the role of counselor, or in this case leader, what you say matters.
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Sadly, I know all too well that trying to “stop worrying about and just get over” deep emotional wounds is nearly impossible, if at all. There are some wounds that are so deep that they require Jesus and an intentional approach toward seeking healing. As a trusted leader, teacher or coach you must be careful in what you say because people will take it to heart.

The Truth About your past

There are parts of our past that God forgets about, but those parts are our sins, not our hurts. And to be clear, Him forgetting is not the same as Him not caring. In fact, God cares so much about our sin that He sent His son to earth to die and atone for our sin because He could not bear to be without us. That is how much He cares. In our confession Jesus, God casts off our sin. That is the extent of God’s forgetfulness.

Just as with our sin, God cares about our hurts. God does not need or want you to “just get over” your past; He wants to heal you from it and provide purpose for it. God’s desire to heal us from our past is most evident in the fact that He sent Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Routinely Jesus makes allusions to Himself being the Great Physician, sent to heal us. When speaking of the Holy Spirit, Jesus refers to Him as a Helper and the Amplified translation includes the variations on the translation of that word: Comforter, Advocate, and Counselor. If God aimed for us to “just get over” our past then the characteristic of Healer and Comforter would not have been present in Jesus or the Holy Spirit.

Our inability to “get over” our past is not an indictment of God’s ability to heal it.
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God cares about our hurt and even more about healing them. Our inability to “get over” our past is not an indictment of God’s ability heal it. Nor is it one of His faithfulness to us, but rather it reveals our deeper need for Him. We heal as the Holy Spirit gently moves us through the difficulties of our past, revealing purpose, intent upon us coming out the other end whole and closer to God.

Healing takes a lot of time and prayer, but take heart for “surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrows.”

 

 

3 Ways That Addiction Controls You

January 18, 2016 / / 0 Comments

addictionToday, I do not think of myself as prone to addictive behavior. However, there were times in my past where I became so dependent on things that they controlled and consumed my thoughts and actions.

Most of us have struggled, or perhaps still do, with something in our life. For me it was not drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t even food, though some could make a pretty convincing argument about my dependence on cheese.

For me my struggle was pornography.

My first memory of pornography was a magazine I found in the men’s bathroom at my dad’s work. I was nine. I stumbled upon it. However, later in life I would not stumble upon pornography. I would seek it out. In hindsight, I am unsure if it was the lust that prompted the search for porn or the porn that perpetuated the lust. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I became stuck. The addiction controlled me. It was the one area where I felt absolutely helpless.

In response to this helplessness, I exercised rigid control in other areas of my life. This rigidity was often ineffective, and much to the detriment of my closest relationships. At the time I had difficulty seeing the depth of control the addiction had over me. Looking back, I can see the insidiousness in the different ways it exerted control over me.

Denial

Early in my marriage to my ex-wife we introduced pornography into our relationship. I was already addicted. By my ex-wife allowing pornography into our marriage, I became more convinced it was normal and acceptable. I constantly assured myself that I was not addicted. I would convince myself that it was normal; that I was just filling a need. In John 12:35 Jesus says, “The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” Denial is darkness.
You cannot see what is real and normal in darkness.

Fear

Discovery terrified me. What if people found out? What would they think of me, and how would they judge me as a father? I was constantly worried that my secret would be found out. I lived with anxiety. Still, I could not stop myself. The Bible says, “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down.” I literally felt the weight of this anxiety. That is what addiction does, it weighs you down under the fear. You are controlled by a feeling of impossibility. You are unable to get up, or out from underneath, by your own strength.

Shame

I felt the most shame about my addiction in the moments after I switched off my computer. These feelings of shame would lead me to believe I was dirty and worthless. Shame convinced me that people would be horrified knowing the real Bruce, the man who could not control himself.

Addiction led to shame which led to fear. Addiction made me, as Jesus said, a slave. Addiction would use denial as a bandage to keep me from hemorrhaging. Addiction so perfected the balance of fear and denial, that I became convinced I was never good enough to do better, but I was never bad enough to have to stop.

Today I’m free from my porn addiction. I’m not sure that I buy into the “once an addict, always an addict” mindset as we are “made new in Jesus” and enjoy the “renewing of our mind.”

I do know that we’re also being made into the likeness of Christ. It is a process. I, like many, continue to struggle with things like lust. But above all, I know that while the struggle may continue, it will only be for a little while. Because we are promised it will not last forever.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
~ 2 Corinthians 3:18 ~

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3 Benefits to Life’s “Pause” Button

December 14, 2015 / / 0 Comments

pause buttonIn the last two years my wife and I have made two major relocation decisions. In July 2014 we, in conjunction with my retirement from the military, we made the decision to move our family to the Washington D.C. metro area. We had no job, no home and a baby five months from her arrival. All we had there were a couple of friends that we knew we wanted to build a church with, so we went. It was a pretty neat, and terrifying, time. Sixteen months later we’re a month into our next big transition to Boise, Idaho.

We learned a ton during our time in DC. God used that time to solidify certain callings in my heart and reorganize and replace certain notions I assumed I had a full grasp on. To be honest, we went to DC with the belief that we would be there for three to five years, learning what God needed us to learn. But, by the time we left, God had made it clear that our time there was finished and He had other things for us in Boise. We’re still not positive what those other things are, but I’ll let you know when we know.

With as much as we had learned in our time in DC, God (through a great friend – Thanks, Isabelle) has used this last month, in the midst of being without a home, job or any solid idea about what we’re doing, to teach me something that is almost more important than anything over the last fifteen months: Cherish the pause button.

Sometime in life we are given the opportunity to hit the “pause” button. That does not always mean that everything stops; sometimes just certain things stop and the rest of life continues. Sometime other circumstances or people choose to press pause for us and we don’t have a say in it. Regardless of how it gets pushed, I have learned there are some great benefits to it.

Rest.

The pause button is a great opportunity to rest: physically, mentally and emotionally. For us, in leaving DC, we were not physically tired, but there was some mental and emotional rest that we needed. I was not as astute as my wife in recognizing that. She mentioned the need to rest during our transition while I was running around saying, “I’m good. Let’s get this thing going and start something new!” She was super gracious and gentle in helping me realize I needed to rest; she’s brilliant that way. For some that rest will include a time for healing.

Sometimes life hits pause in an abrupt way. It can be the end of a relationship, the loss of a career, or the loss of a loved one. In those moments it may seem like someone hit the “stop” button. They didn’t; I promise you that life starts again. During that time of pause, rest needs to include healing as a main theme. That can look like more one-on-one time with God (and should), professional counseling or therapy or just coffee with a friend; really anything that moves you toward healing. The pause button is a great opportunity to rest.

Scripture for REST: Matthew 11:28-30 & Psalm 4:8

Perspective.

The pause button is a great opportunity for perspective. While we were in DC we were busy. Busy with life, busy with building a church, and busy with work. In the midst of our busyness, perspective was not something that I had readily available. Because I know perspective is important, I try to always make sure that I’m engaged with people, my wife, and a couple close friends, who offer differing perspectives. But, the truth is, even with all your best efforts, busyness is often an enemy of perspective. Busyness reminds you that there is always something to do and, unless you are intentional about it, typically does not leave the door open for very much perspective. If you let it, the pause button allows that door to swing wide.

Sometimes the perspective is something new, sometimes it is a realignment of perception you already have. With our departure from DC God has realigned a number of perceptions I have about ministry and given me new perspective on what it could look like to “do” life with others. I’m excited about Boise. The pause button is a great opportunity for perspective.

Scripture for PERSPECTIVE: 2 Corinthians 4:18 & Proverbs 19:21

Appreciation.

The pause button is a great opportunity for appreciation. This benefit is loaded with all sorts of stuff. For me, I have come to appreciate, more than I already did, my roles as a husband and father. I get to help get my son ready for school and then drop him off. Then I get to come home and hang out with my wife and daughter until naptime. During naptime I get to write, have coffee with friends, watch television, nap, or read. Then I get to hang out with my wife and daughter again. We pick up our son from school. Then depending on the week, my wife and I alternate, I take my son to hang out. We cook dinner together, eat together, and then put the kids to bed together. Then once the one year old decides she is actually ready to sleep, my wife and I hang out. Then bed and repeat the next day. I love it.

And I love that my wife loves it. The other day she said to me, “It’s going to suck when you have to go back to work. I love that you get to hang out with us all day.” The pause button has allowed me to look at what I have in my family, thank God for the roles I get to fulfill in husband and father, and really appreciate the gift they are and this time I have with them. I am confident that God is using this time as a memorial stone so that when we hit the “play” button, He can bring me back to it and remind me of the appreciation I felt and why I get to be a husband and dad. There is something that God wants to help you appreciate during your pause. Let Him show you. The pause button is a great opportunity for appreciation.

Scripture for APPRECIATION: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 & Psalm 100:4

Recently I had the opportunity to meet with Mike Loomis. He is pretty awesome. During our talk he reminded me that the ability to be, what he calls, location-independent is a gift and blessing and that not everyone has the ability or opportunity to be. It is a blessing; scary, but still a blessing. So I realize that even though I was able to voluntarily hit the pause button on a large portion of our life, not everyone can. But you can hit it on specific areas that you feel need to be paused, even if it is for just a short time. In those moments, be intentional about rest, perspective and appreciation. Write it down if you have to. And for those that life and circumstances hit the pause button for, you can still be intentional about those things.

Even when it seems difficult we can still cherish the pause button.

What are some other ways we can cherish life’s pause button?

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