Category: Christianity (Page 20 of 23)

I Fell In Love Twice!

December 6, 2014 / / 1 Comment

Prayer is a beautiful thing. Not that it’s easy, generally speaking. Actually, praying is really easy, but it’s the faith & patience required after the prayer that isn’t easy. But when you let God build your faith and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to a place of comforted waiting, the intimacy that accompanies prayer can only be described as beautiful.

A Long Time Ago…

DudesOn April 12, 1997 I was just 20 years old, had only been in my first marriage for eight months and had no idea what it meant to be a dad. I also didn’t have long to figure it out, because that was also the day that my first boy was born. If you do the math, you’ll see that back then I didn’t actually understand what it meant to be a man or follow Jesus. Regardless, this was the day I met my son, James, and I was absolutely enamored with him. I felt like my heart might burst out of my chest. When James was about 15 months old we talked about having a second child and 9 months later my boy Andrew was born. I was equally heart swelled. I couldn’t believe I had two gorgeous, awesome little boys. At the time we made the decision that we were done having children, so right before Andrew was born, I had the ol’ pipes capped off.

Her, Him, Them, Me and Us

Fast forward nine years and I had a 9 and 11-year-old sons and a divorce. Sparing the details (I’ve blogged at length about it HERE and HERE), I had to start considering what it might look like to start… dating. This time I had a firm grasp on the type of man God expected me to be and what it looked like to pursue after Jesus. That was 2009.

All of usThen in June 2010, my boss, friend and pastor, Jeff Maness called me to meet for staff pictures. When I got there, I met her. I’ve blogged about Sarah more than once… HERE, HERE and HERE. Sarah introduced me to my third boy, Malachi. In April 2011 we joined our hearts and our families together. As much as we loved our boys, we decided to have a child together, potentially more than one. At the time I was 34 and was a little hesitant because for the last 13 years I had thought I was finished having children. There was also the issue of the “work” I’d previously had done. But the decision was made and we started looking at what needed to be done to live the dream.

The first big obstacle we faced was the cost associated with a vasectomy reversal. Our insurance didn’t cover it and there was NO way we could afford $12-14,000. After a number of phone calls and much prayer, we came across a doctor at the University of Colorado Hospital in Aurora, CO that was willing to waive his fee and charge only what the hospital costs were, saving us nearly $7,000. If that wasn’t enough, he literally wrote the book on a micro-surgery procedure that, at the time, unbeknownst to me I would need. We had our date set for my surgery and continued to pray for its success. In short order, during a moment of private prayer in early April 2012, God led me to Genesis 17:16. I heard God’s definitive promise that He would answer our prayer for a baby and not just a baby, but a baby girl. He didn’t give a time line, just a confidence that He had heard us and His promise. Although it was a promise for my wife and I, I felt like God wanted to give her the same confidence in His promise and it wasn’t suppose to come from me, so I wrote it in my journal and left it.

Let’s Talk About…making a baby

On June 1, 2012, 6 weeks before moving to Japan for our new military assignment, I had my reversal completed successfully and was given a 40% pregnancy success potential. Being a Pagano and given the amount of testosterone flowing through our veins, I took 40% as a guarantee. In July 2012 we moved to Tokyo, Japan and by December we started to take serious our attempts at having a baby. There were temperatures and fluids and techniques and things that would make a single, pre-marriage guy curl up in the corner and cry “TMI! TMI!”

By June 2013, we knew “stuff”, but were no closer to a baby than we were in December. It was a season of utter disappointment and frustration. At the time I did realize, though it didn’t make it easier, that we weren’t ready for a baby. As much as me and my wife love each other, bringing a blended family together is difficult and there were things that God need to take care of in our family and marriage. A baby would have complicated things and it wouldn’t have been fair to Hazel to be born into such a frustrated and chaotic season. Whether or not we can see it, God knows. We decided to stop “trying” and just let be what would be.

After another six months, our family and our marriage were in a very different place. Things weren’t perfect, but there was so much more grace and forgiveness and we decided to start trying again. By late January 2014, we were at the point of complete frustration. We hadn’t seen any signs of being pregnant and conversely had some indications that cycles and timing might be off, preventing a positive pregnancy. We brought the concerns to our military medical provider and received no help and were told that they wouldn’t be able to see us until Jun… 6 MONTHS AWAY! By mid February Sarah and I started to accept that we would most likely have to wait until we returned to America, if approved for retirement, before we received any help.

The Fast and The Faithful

Right about that time I felt prompted to spend some time in prayer and fasting. I’m not talking about from Facebook, either. I’m talking good ole biblical, no food for days, only water and the word type of fasting. In the past, when I fasted, I typically entered into it with a mindset on supplication and a list of prayer requests, but this time was to be different. Not that there’s anything wrong with prayer requests. God invites us to ask. It’s the attitude and intent with which you come to Him that matters most and in the past, it wasn’t always about Him more than me. This time it would be. This time the theme would be; God, I can’t, but I know You can.

From February 27 to 29 I rented a small cabin in the recreation area near our base. I took a case of water, my computer and my bible. Those three days became some of the most weight lifting days I’ve ever had. I spent them reading, writing and praying. Oh, the prayer. During one particular session, that was intended to be a one hour walk, but turned into three hours because I got lost, that God unburdened my heart the most. It was during that walk that I surrendered my inability to answer my wife’s frustration and hurt of not being pregnant, my worry of not being approved for retirement, the dread connected to the possibility that we would be starting a new life and new career soon; He got all of it. I left my retreat with a deep knowing of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

Promises, Promises

Accio BabyTwo weeks later, on March 14th, God fulfilled the promise that he made two years prior, because that was the day that Sarah became pregnant, though we wouldn’t know until a week later. Consequently, I was also approved for retirement on that same day. It was absolutely amazing and completely God’s timing.For the next nine months I got to see my gorgeous and sexy wife, grow our baby. We spent that time talking, preparing and anticipating. In mid-June we got to see God’s promise for a baby girl fulfilled when the ultrasound tech pointed out her girl bits.

We Prayed  He Answered

She’s Having My Baby

Then, on November 26th I received a text from Sarah telling me to be “standing by” because her water broke. I’d been at work for an hour. The next text was, “The midwife said you should come home.” OMG OMG OMG!!! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!! I should pause here and cover two things. First, I realized before November 26th that we were having a baby. What I didn’t realize is that it was already time. There was so much to still do. Second, we used a midwife because we decided to have a home-birth mainly because we believe in witchcraft (my homage to Jim Gaffigan). When Sarah said she wanted to have a home/water birth, what I wanted to say was, “That’s SO hippy.” but actually said, “Whatever makes this the birth you want, we’ll do it.” So we did.

I got home to a surprisingly calm and mobile Sarah. No contractions beyond what she’d previously had. We walked around the neighborhood, in the snow, uphill, literally both ways, we went to Target and even ordered Jimmy John’s; still no real progression. By 3:30pm our basement was strung with white Christmas lights, the pool was filled with 101 degree water and the music was playing low. By 4:30, after some techniques the midwife suggested, Sarah instructed me to have our friend come pick up the boys.

By 5:30 Sarah was in full active labor. I couldn’t believe the quickness with which the pain had arrived and caught her off guard. Regardless, she was handling it so well. She began trying different positions in an attempt to relieve the pressure, ultimately ending up in the pool. While we talked in-between the contractions, I started to worry that I would forget what I was supposed to do to help her. During the contractions, as I prayed, I tried to quote scripture over her and forgot what I was supposed to say. If I couldn’t even remember scripture, how could I help her at all?! At that time she started to say that she couldn’t do it and that’s then that I realized that fear had started to occupy the space that was strictly reserved for miracles. I think Sarah knew it, too. I prayed for God’s peace; it came.

Somewhere during that time, the midwife showed up and started all her prepping. During one of the more intense contractions, I remember Sarah nearly pleading with the midwife to check her dilation, because she needed to know how long the labor might last. As she asked, all I could think was, “What if she has to labor for 6 more hours? How do I help her?” They were unnecessary questions. The midwife checked and said, “She’s right there, just about a half an inch in. You’re gonna have a baby soon.”

Soon our birth coach and photographer had arrived. I spent most of my time leaning against the pool edge, holding, kissing and encouraging my wife. I could tell my wife wanted to fight against the pressure and work her body was trying to do, but she couldn’t; it was too consuming, too natural, and too big.
Sarah looked at me and said she could feel our baby’s head and there was so much hair. While the student midwife tried to apply counter-pressure, the midwife asked Sarah if she wanted me in the water with her. Keep in mind that we had already talked about me NOT being in the water with her, mainly because of what we’ll call “floatees”. Because it was what we decided, I was fully clothed in running pants and a t-shirt. But, when your laboring wife wants you in the water, you get in the water. So, I got in the water and sat behind my wife. I took over the counter-pressure job and continued to encourage Sarah.

Birth 1Then Sarah started saying that she wasn’t pushing, but that her body was. There was nothing she could do, her body wanted us to meet our baby. I don’t remember a lot of what was said after Sarah said that, but I do know that at 6:52 the midwife pulled our baby from the water and placed her on my gorgeous wife’s chest. At that moment, I fell in love twice. Hazel didn’t cry; she just looked at Sarah. My wife’s head was thrown back as she cried tears of elation, relief and joy. I said, “Babe, she’s looking at you, look at her.” She looked down at our daughter. Through tears I watched as the two most beautiful and important girls I’d ever laid eyes on, looked at each other for the first time; this is what God’s faithfulness looks like.

Birth 2

To say that the setting was peaceful would be an understatement. The amount of peace that Hazel came into the world with was unbelievable. There was no shouting or crying; there wasn’t even any sense of urgency. Sarah exited the pool and laid down to snuggle Hazel and almost immediately she breastfed. Still no crying; just peace. As Sarah cuddled our daughter, Hazel looked around, soaking in the newness of the world. It was better than amazing. I got to hold her for some skin-on-skin contact. My heart melted all over again the moment her warm skin touched mine.

Initially my response to a home birth was that it was kind of weird. After seeing how amazing it went, undoubtedly because of God’s good grace and answers to our prayers, I’m sold. If we were having other babies, it would be at home, for sure! A home birth may not be for everyone, but it’s definitely worth the consideration.

Her Words

If you want a deeper account of the birth story, in arguably delivered in far more eloquent words, check out my wife’s post HERE.

I’ll end with this… God promised us Hazel so long ago. The fact that it was two years ago is an indication of God’s mercy on us, and Hazel, while He brought us through a seasoning period. Two years ago we weren’t in the place, physically (we were in the military in Wyoming), spiritually, mentally or emotionally, that would be best for any of us. Today, things aren’t perfect, although if you look at Hazel you get a glimpse of it, but we’re doing well and we understand God’s grace and mercy better.

I love telling this story and I’d love if you’d click one of those icons to share it.

3 Reasons Why “Just give it to Jesus” Isn’t Helpful.

November 13, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Without a doubt there are plenty of cringe worthy things that come from the mouths of well-meaning and good intentioned friends and family that if they paused, for even just a moment, would probably have never had said it.The same goes for Christians. There are plenty of Christians, me being one of them, that say or have said things to other Christians, and even worse said them to people that aren’t, that if said to them, would make them want to fight the person saying it. “Just give it to Jesus” is one of those things.

giving_hands_and_red_pushpin-640x420It isn’t that the person saying it doesn’t care what you’re going through, they do, but they may not know any other way to help. This has got to be one of the most misused and abused Christian phrases ever uttered by well-meaning Jesus followers. Unfortunately I’ve been on both ends of this misguided attempt to provide “wise council”. Somewhere along the way Christians turned King David’s song lyrics and Peter’s encouraging reminder into a witty, solve all, catch phrase that has often caused more frustration than help. Here’s three reasons why it isn’t exactly helpful.

1. It isn’t Biblical.

We’ll at least the way that we’ve interpreted it isn’t. As I already mentioned, “Just give it to Jesus” most closely comes from David in Psalm 55:22 and Peter’s reiteration of it in 1Peter 5:7. The verse tells us to cast our burdens or, when Peter says it, anxieties on God. The problem isn’t with the word “cast”, that actually means “give” or “toss”. The issue is with the words “burden” and “anxiety”. People have taken these to mean any problems or negative circumstances that we experience, but what these words refer to isn’t that simple.

Each word means something far deeper. The original Hebrew translation of ‘burden” is actually “gift”. That’s a bit unexpected. In this case “gift” can mean affliction, trials, and troubles, but it can also mean things that are agreeable and pleasing to us. While that may be confusing, the purpose of why David says this is far more important and clear. David is telling us that no matter our portion from God, we “commit [it] to His custody, and use to His glory; and particularly commit the keeping of thy soul to Him.” It’s about our ability to trust God’s faithfulness in keeping His promises to us. Likewise, the word “anxieties” doesn’t mean that you aren’t concerned for our circumstances, but is about letting circumstance divide our heart between God and anything else. In those cases, we are to give over those things to God so that our heart would not be divided and we are not drawn from Him who sustains us. It isn’t always easy or clear how to do this, so at the end I’ll talk about that a bit more.

I know what you’re thinking, if “Give it to Jesus” isn’t exactly biblical, what is? In Galatians 6, Paul tells us how we are to respond to other’s burdens, so that we would honor Jesus. He says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” The appropriate response to a brother or sister’s heavy burden is that you bear it with them. While Paul was in prison and in dire circumstance, he continued to have hope and comfort in Christ, but he still asked for people, like Timothy, to come be with him.  He still needed the comfort and encouragement of fellow believers to help bear the burden. While it may be hard to carry your burden by yourself, it becomes easier and easier with the more people who help carry it.

“Bearing other’s burdens is often far easier than bearing our own.” Tweet this!

2. It’s Dismissive.

It really is. It’s like asking someone, in passing, “Hey, how ya doing?” and they aren’t quite with the program so they offer more than the standard, “Good” or “Busy”, and actually tell you how they are doing and it isn’t all good. All of the sudden you’re left standing there, with no idea what to say, so you go to the other standard Christian “deflect and evade” counter-measure, “That’s tough, bro. I’ll pray for you.” While you might believe that they actually need someone to pray for them, you only say it as a means to indicate to the other person that you don’t know what to say and you want to leave. Once you’re out of there, whether you actually pray for the person is a different story. When you tell someone to “Just give it to Jesus” you’re telling the person that you don’t know what to say and have nothing to offer them. It communicates loud and clear “That sucks that YOU’RE dealing with that, but I’m not and I don’t plan to.” As I mentioned in number 1, if you’re a Christian, you don’t get off that easy. If you want to honor Jesus, you have to bear their burdens with them.

3:  It’s Not Tangible.

You’re not there to make the situation go away, although I would argue that real love does eliminate burden if it’s within their ability to do so, you know, Jesus’ whole “no greater love and a friend laying down his life” example. But just throwing out those four words and bouncing out isn’t very Jesus. The burden brother/sister needs comfort, wisdom, insight, encouragement, and the list goes on. You’re gifted by the God for the purpose of helping and serving others. There’s a whole list of gifts in Romans 12. Chances are you have one of them and it wasn’t given to you for your benefit. If we have the ability to lighten the burden of other’s, why are we so stingy?

It really has everything to do with our heart. If you’re seeking Jesus and allowing His Holy Spirit to transform you, your heart will change, you won’t have a choice in that. But we have to be willing to recognize that we make the decision to be like Him, because He never forces Himself on us. Sometimes, it’s a matter of not knowing how to respond to another’s difficult situation. That’s ok, but it’s not ok to never grow out of that.

Knowing how to respond isn’t always the easy. Here’s how theologian John Gill explained Galatians 6:2 and what bearing each other’s burden should look like,

“…by gently reproving them, by comforting them when over-pressed with guilt, by sympathizing with them in their sorrow, by praying to God for to manifest his pardoning grace to them, and by forgiving them themselves, so far as they are faults committed against them…”

It’s things like, praying with them in that moment, giving a word of encouragement, taking there kids for a couple of hours to let them have a moment to think, buying their groceries, making them a meal, just being with them, crying with them, hugging them… I imagine if you thought about it, you come up with better ones.

If we stopped assuming that the bible was written for other people, maybe we would be able to live it better ourselves. It wasn’t written for you to quote it to others as a means of getting out of doing life with them. Yes all scripture is “profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness and so that we may be equipped for every good work“. It exists as a means of encouraging others and as the foundation for providing wise counsel, but if we try to apply it to others’ life before we apply it to our own, it becomes lifeless and heavy.

“When we can accept that the bible is written to us first, then we can better followers of Jesus.” Tweet this!

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What If Thomas Wasn’t Always a Doubter?

April 29, 2014 / / 0 Comments

8d6f0ab291db108482931a1c67e01e81_Doubting-Thomas-863-430-cThe Apostle Thomas gets a pretty bad wrap. I mean, you ask for proof that Jesus resurrected from the dead once and BAM… labeled a doubter for two millennia. To be fair all of the disciples abandoned Jesus and all of them sat around after his death throwing a pity party, even though He told them it would happen like this and He planned on resurrecting. I mean, they all just saw their beloved Lord die on a cross. Why wouldn’t doubt creep in. To be even fairer, we doubt A LOT more than Thomas and we know Jesus conquered death, but no one is going around calling me Doubting Bruce (or other names that are probably more appropriate, i.e. Selfish Bruce, or Prideful Bruce. Maybe we should start that as a thing and see how it pans out.).

But what if Thomas wasn’t as doubtful as we first thought?

I heard a sermon the other day where the Pastor was chronicling Thomas’ life of doubt and he referenced John 11:16 as one of Thomas’ instances of doubt. I’ll get to what Thomas said in a second, but first let me set up the context. In the previous chapter Jesus and His disciples were in Jerusalem for the Feast of Dedication. As was common, Jesus began to teach and told the Jews there that He and God were one. As you can imagine, any really good Jew would get furious at this notion and would deem it blasphemy, so they did what anyone would do and picked up rocks to stone Him. Ultimately Jesus and His disciples escape the crowd, but then a messenger comes and tells Him that His friend, Lazarus, is dead. So Jesus decides that He is going to go to Bethany (basically a suburb of Jerusalem) and bring His friend back to life. After deciding that, the Disciples remind Him that they almost stoned Him to death, to which Jesus tells them He is doing it so that they would believe.

And that brings us to John 11:16. In that verse, in response to Jesus’ potential forthcoming stoning, Thomas says to the other disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

There are a couple different thoughts on this. One is that the “him” that Thomas was referring to was Lazarus and that Thomas’ doubt so overshadowed his life that he just assumed they were all going to die if they went to Bethany.

The other thought, many think more correctly, is that the “him” was referring to Jesus, but that it was still grounded in doubt. Although he might have been talking about going and dying with Jesus, because many Jews had just tried to stone Him, many scholars believe that this statement by Thomas just revealed his doubt in the miracle that Jesus told them He was about to do with Lazarus.

What if neither of those were the case? What if Thomas statement was actually a declaration of commitment to Jesus because he saw who Jesus was?

It’s possible that Thomas, after seeing Jesus perform miracle upon miracle, was actually, in his heart, willing to follow Jesus to death. I experience this all the time. My heart is completely sold out to following Jesus; the intent of my heart is to be obedient and follow Him, even unto death. Then, out of nowhere, my head (or pride, or selfishness) gets in the way and I don’t follow through. It’s altogether possible that Thomas was so committed to following Jesus, that in his heart he was completely sold out to dying with him, but when the time came for him to resolute in his commitment, he faltered (as many of us do).

I’m not convinced that a moment of doubt, in the face of extreme tragedy, qualifies you for a lifetime title of doubter. What I am convinced of is this: in the face of intense doubt, Jesus will always present His hands and side to you, that you might declare “My Lord and My God.”

Doubt isn’t the same as rejection. Doubt signifies struggle and Jesus doesn’t shy away from struggle. God’s grace is sufficient for your doubt. Jesus died and resurrected to redeem you regardless of and in the midst of your doubt.

How have you handled doubt in the past?

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