Category: Approach God (Page 11 of 18)

Luckily, Indiana Passed a Law to Ensure the Sanctity of Christianity

March 27, 2015 / / 2 Comments

I'm Just a BillI actually don’t even know what to write about this. I’m jaw-drop dumbfounded by the support that this bill garnered from people that claim to follow Jesus. I’m not naïve or stupid, so I knew it would, but I’m still in awe by it. If you’ve followed #ApproachGod over the last couple years you know that I’ve written articles related to Christianity and the LBGT community on a number of occasions. You can read those articles HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE. I almost feel like writing anything, at this point, is useless, but I’m going to anyway.

If you can’t tell, I’m not actually glad that Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed that bill into law. I’m actually saddened and angered by it. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Gov. Pence just signed state Senate Bill 101, or the Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law. To be fair, I couldn’t find anything in the law that outright says a person can be denied service based on the business owner’s religious belief. The issue with the bill is that it uses such vague language, that business owner’s will be able to use the law to refuse service and discriminate, lets call it what it is, against people based on their sexual orientation (because regardless of what you want to pretend this is about, it’s really about not baking cakes for gay couples).

This isn’t the same issue as the same gender marriage debate. I understand why people, on both sides, are so passionate about that issue. Quick tangent: Although I understand why Christians felt the need to rally against same gender marriage, and I do (full disclosure) believe that marriage is one man and one woman, I disagree that there should be laws banning it. Other people redefining marriage ultimately doesn’t effect the definition of marriage for Christians. Banning same gender marriage isn’t going to stop people from being gay and it definitely does NOT communicate the love of Jesus. Also, and I’ve said this before, the standard of living laid out in the bible and by Jesus wasn’t intended for unbelievers anymore than the laws in the UK are intended to govern people living in America. That standard of living is given to The Church, not the world.

I know some will argue that these types of laws are necessary because of the Hobby Lobby case. This isn’t even that issue and I’m not even going to touch that. But, can we all agree that if this was about protecting companies from having to fork out money to pay for certain kinds of contraception then the bill could have used language that addressed that issue, but it doesn’t. Even if those were the main driving ideas behind this law, that isn’t the only way people are going to use it.

My issue is that Christians supported this law because they want to legally have the right to refuse service to people based on their religious beliefs. Let me say that again, to refuse SERVICE to people. SERVICE. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” So I’m curious where Christians are let off the hook here. Nowhere in the bible do I see Jesus saying, “I came to serve, unless you’re a prostitute, thief, leper, gay. If you’re any of those, I have the right to refuse service.” It’s ludicrous that Christians, in the name of “religious freedom” are trying to shirk their responsibility to serve others. At no point did Jesus make a distinction for who got to experience or benefit from His love and service. We, as a church, ought to be ashamed and saddened by such a law. The worse part is that if you’re a shop owner and some one wants to purchase a service from you, you aren’t doing them some big favor; they’re paying for it. But, providing flowers for a gay couple’s wedding, although they’re paying for it, can still be a great way to love them. Refusing to treat a gay couple’s child is a great way to show them exactly the opposite of what Jesus would have done and actually did do. He was a healer and served the needs of those who needed healing. 

What has happened to The Church that it would demand and supports a law that gets us off the hook for doing what Jesus told us to do? How did we get it so wrong? You wanna talk about the twisted Gospel? It isn’t “the left” that’s doing it; it’s laws like this that run straight past twisting the Gospel and shred it to pieces. Laws like this go against the very fiber of Jesus’ command to “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.” The intention of this law might have been meant to protect certain religious convictions, but I’m afraid that it’ll be Christians that use it to ignore Christ’s call.

It doesn’t matter what other religions will use it for, we’re not them and they aren’t called to what we are, which is loving and serving others, even loving our enemies. Following Jesus isn’t easy; He said it wasn’t. It demands us stepping out into areas that we may not agree with and even those that scare us. Unfortunately this type of law is one more layer that western culture will use to mold Christianity into the “about me” religion it was never meant to be. Our main religious conviction ought to be to love and serve others, not finding a way to refuse and turn them away. We’re called to better. We’re called to Jesus and to be like Him.

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Dating in the Midst of Divorce

March 24, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Bandaged HeartThis post will be a slight departure from my normal article topics. I’ve
been contemplating this post for quite awhile. I wasn’t sure how to write
it, but I’ve had conversations with enough people that I think it’s an
important topic and, if you’re Christian (but even if you’re not), it
absolutely has everything to do with following Jesus well. Before I proceed,
I want to give full disclosure. I am NOT a doctor, counselor, psychiatrist,
psychologist or social worker. My intent is not to provide medical advice.
Everything that I’m about to say and offer is built out on my own firsthand
experience and watching and walking with a number of people through the heart-wrenchingly painful process of divorce. This post, like all my others, is intended to prompt thought and conversation.

With that said, I want to be gentle here. My aim is not to hurt someone already going through a painful situation. I think where most churches and Christian fail in the area of counseling couples considering or going through a divorce is that, though true, they take the “God hates divorce, so you need to fight through this” stance. It is true that God hates divorce and I do agree that seeking reconciliation is always God’s heart, but that doesn’t always provide comfort or practical counsel for where the couple may be in real life. This post isn’t going to be that. It isn’t an attempt to encourage people to “make it work” or “give it another try.” I realize there’s a point in which one or both people decide they aren’t going to “try” any longer. So, as important as restoration is, it’s not this article. This article is intended for the couple that has already decided they can’t or won’t make it work and may be struggling with the idea of letting someone else into their life, on an intimate level, before the divorce is final. Let me just say, don’t. Don’t let anyone else in right now. It’s hard, but wait.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m divorced. I’ve been through it and dealt with this issue. It was one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to navigate through; spiritually, emotionally, physically and legally. Thankfully, during that point in my life, I had people in my life that cared enough about what God wanted for me, my heart and the heart of my kids to be honest with me about the path I was considering. Since then, I’ve had similar conversations with at least a dozen people, some Christian, some not.

In almost every circumstance the person going through the divorce had the desire to seek intimacy with someone else or at least the impression that it would do them good. Part of the pain of divorce is the loneliness. It’s hard to go from being with someone 24/7 to not. During those moments the logical salve seems to be finding someone to fill that void. Unfortunately it isn’t that simple and typically doesn’t work out the way you thought it would. With that said, I know a number of couples that it did work for. It wasn’t perfect, but they’re still together and things seem to be good. I’m stoked for them, but they’re the exception, not the norm. There are a couple things, again, based off my own experience and multiple conversations, that are likely to happen when you start dating prior to finalizing the divorce. Here are three that
I’ve seen.

  1. It clouds your thoughts.
    Divorce is already “cloudy” enough. There’s so many emotions, feelings, doubt, hopes and desires that come with divorce, not to mention the whole figuring out what “regular” life looks like after it’s done. When I look back at  that time in my life, there are large chunks of time that are difficult to remember because of how clouded my thinking was. Adding a intimate relationship in the middle of all that only adds to the cloudiness. It may seem comforting and even euphoric at the time and might even distract you from the reality of it, but often times it complicates things far more. If you have children, it’s even more complicated. The best thing while going through a divorce is clarity, as much as possible anyway. Working through those thoughts and emotions is ultimately the best.
  2. It confuses the heart.
    Inviting in another intimate partner before your heart is healed from losing one, isn’t a cure. In fact it potentially creates deeper hurts. It’s very likely that opening yourself to a new relationship during the time when your heart is trying to heal may actually deepen the hurt. If not given the opportunity to heal properly, your heart isn’t able to extend healthy feelings of connection to a new partner. If you’re Christian, even without having sex with them, you’re committing adultery. It’s a heart issue and your heart isn’t free to give away yet.
  3. It conceals the Holy Spirits direction.
    For non-Christians you would call this your conscious. For Christians, like I already said, it’s adultery. It’s what Jesus was talking about when he talked about looking at someone with lust. It’s active sin to be in a relationship with someone prior to a finalized divorce. Living in active sin it conceals the voice of the Holy Spirit. Is as if all you’ll hear Him says to you is “Repent” and “Turn from your sin and return to me.” He doesn’t abandon you, He never forsakes us, but as you draw away from Him through active sin, you quit His voice and His call to return to Him becomes the cry of His heart.

Do you, first.

That means take the time to explore who you are. Figure out who you are. Divorce changes both people involved. There’s a lot of pressure to “get back in the game,” but that typically only complicates an already confusing situation. The thing that ended up being most beneficial for me, and others I’ve watched walk though this, was focusing on me. As I walked through the process, even in the midst of difficulty and hurt, I was able to figure out the kind of person I had become and the one I wanted to be, like a better father, a better husband (eventually), and a better friend, etc. I was able to focus on the relationships that were more important, i.e. with God, with my children, and other friends and family. And I was able to do it. I wasn’t perfect, but I had a better grasp on what it looked like to follow Jesus, to love my kids and even the type of woman I wanted to marry and the type of husband I needed to be for her, all without having to worry about building a relationship with another woman. Figuring me out became far more important to my well being than trying to eliminate the loneliness. In the process, I met amazing people and realized I wasn’t really that lonely. And, I eventually met the woman that became my gorgeous wife.

Take time to heal.

This is essential. One of the things that I’ve seen over and over is a relationship fall apart, between two people that otherwise seem like a good fit. What I’ve found to be the common denominator is that the one going through the divorce is still very hurt. Because they’re hurt, they cast onto the new person the same expectation of their ex-husband or ex-wife. They don’t intend to, but pain is sometimes blinding and hurt people, hurt people.

Typically it plays out like this: The new person does something similar to what the divorcing person’s ex might do, maybe work causes them to be late for a dinner date. Instead of letting this infraction stand as a single event, the divorcing person attributes it to the new person’s character and all of the sudden they’re just as undependable, inconsiderate and selfish as the ex. This may not be true at all, but the divorcing person can only see the new person’s actions through the filter of hurt that lead to and is caused by the divorce. After two or three of these types of interactions, the divorcing person ends the relationship and begins thinking things like, “All men/women are the same!” or “I’ll never find anyone that’ll be good to me.”

The truth is, if they took time to really heal, it might be easier to separate any new person from their ex. Because I’ve experienced it, genuine healing comes through Jesus. If you’re not Christian, I know that sounds foreign or possibly absurd to you. But, there’s a peace that comes with the healing that He offers. It creates wholeness in you. I understand the skepticism, so most times I’ll tell those I’m talking with to find someone that does pastoral counseling and be up front with them about not being a Christian. Even if you don’t “get saved” it can still be beneficial. If that’s too far out on the limb for you, then find a good counselor. Counseling has been invaluable for me, personally and in my marriage. However you do it, seek help so that you can begin healing. And not just while going through the divorce, but after its final, also. The finalization of divorce brings with it a whole new collection of feelings that may require help navigating through.

The last thing I’ll say is, be around people; don’t isolate yourself. Community is so important in providing a support network. It’s in community that you find wise counsel, encouragement, people to weep with you and people to cheer you up. Be with people.

If you’re interested theres a book called Healing for Damaged Emotions. It’s a great book.

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Our Church Service Isn’t For You

March 20, 2015 / / 0 Comments

bannerimageThis is probably going to rub some people the wrong way and some aren’t going to agree with my take on this, but I’m ok with that. My hope is that it will spark thought and conversation on why we gather as a body of believers.

I’ve long thought that the best place to bring people to experience Jesus and “get saved” was church on Sunday morning. It seemed like a great place for that to happen. There’s a ton of other believers, there’s great worship music (depending on where you attend), great biblical teaching (again, dependent on where you go), both of which evoke an emotional response and set an ideal environment to respond to the Holy Spirit. That’s how I met Jesus and how so many of my friends also met Him. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this process. Jesus did say, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” So on the surface it makes sense. It’s only been in the last few years that I started to rethink that process.

It started when I was leading a college ministry. We met every Sunday evening, on campus, and had great teaching and discussion. We fully considered ourselves a church in the way that we operated, even though we were actually a ministry inside of a larger church, and because a number of people who attended our group didn’t attend any other church. One of THE most common denominators between all the hundreds of variations and denominations of Christian church is something called an alter call. This is a process whereby the Pastor, after delivering his sermon, offers the opportunity for those attending to confess Jesus as Savior and ask Him into their heart. We didn’t do it in our college ministry. Again, nothing inherently wrong with that, I answered one of those calls and here I sit. At that time we decided and felt that personal discussions made for a more informed decision. Instead of counting hands of those answering an alter call, in order to determine our “success” as a church, we opted to measure someone’s dedication and allegiance to Jesus by their willingness to serve others and in long-measured apparent transformation in their daily living. It was a more difficult metric to use and there were a lot of missteps, but we still see the fruit of that today, three years later.

As the years passed one of the things God really started to press into my heart was that He was calling me to “do” church differently, not better, than I had done it in the past. At the time I was finishing seminary and fully intended to start a traditional model institutional church and pastor as my vocation. But, God wanted something different. Without getting too deep into the model, because I plan to write a post on that soon, I felt like God was calling me to a model that sat in the middle ground between institutional church and organic house church. Some of the main elements of that were things like our homes being our front door, an all volunteer staff, and each member of the community taking responsibility for discipling others. As God developed this model in mine, and a number of my friends’, hearts, He began to change the way I saw the corporate church gathering. The model He moved us to doesn’t eliminate a large corporate gathering like an organic home church model does, but it doesn’t place all of the focus on it as a traditional institutional service would.

As I’ve read through the New Testament, over the last few years, I’ve began to realize that all of the letters the Apostles wrote were not directed at unbelievers. Everything written, after the Gospels, was written to specific Christians or to churches. The purpose was for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. It was for those that had already confessed Christ. Christians were gathering together, devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. They were attending the temple together. I started to realize that the gathering of believer’s wasn’t necessarily intended to get people “saved.” Not that it can’t or didn’t happen; I know it happens today, which helps me believe that it happened then. But I’m convinced the purpose of the corporate gathering was and is to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.

This isn’t a call to change the way that others do church. Instead, it’s a prompt to spark thought and consideration for what it would mean to gather as a body of believers, really dig deep into God’s word, to worship, pray and praise God together so that we are equipped for the work of ministry and for every good work. What if we gathered weekly and were prepared to take Christ into the rest of our week and the rest of the world? What would happen if the depth of our corporate gathering so engulfed our life that we couldn’t have a shallow faith? What if gathering together was focused on the believer, not the unbeliever, and we were prepared to introduce people to Christ in our home or their home, then invite them into our celebration?

My church service may not be for you, but my home is.

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